The Dumb Blonde

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided she would look like a brunette.

When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,

“Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!”
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
“If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?”

The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, “157.”

The farmer was amazed – she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.

Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
“If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?”

Ok, Ok. This one is definitely one of the better ones I have heard. But I have to say that some jokes can be really harsh. Even though I'm not a blonde myself, what’s to say that when I hear people making fun of blondes, I don’t feel bad?

Dumb blondes are a stereotype. Just because someone is blonde, does not necessarily mean they're dumb or superficial. Ah yes! Jokes are for entertainment, but lets get serious people. How many individuals can actually relate to an extreme "dumb blonde senario?"

"Oh no, I locked my keys in the car and the top is still up!"

               "I thought that a toaster was actually an oven! "
                               "Maybe if I dye my hair black, I'll actually be smarter!"                    

What I want to hear, is a good joke about a brunette that I can actually relate to.

Cats in Birthday Hats

Why do people put their pets in birthday hats? This is a question that I have asked for years. As a cat lover, I'll give my cat an extra treat once in a while, or another petting session. But when it comes to birthdays, I'm pretty sure they don't even know what's happening to them. One minute they're taking their fifth nap of the day and the next thing they know, they have a birthday hat on top of their heads and are at the dinner table with a cake in front of them; people are laughing and taking a million pictures, while the cat is probably scared to death inside.

I would really like to know why this happens? Is it an obsession? Humor? Believing that the cat will actually thank you?

Please give me a straight answer becasue I just want to know.

Angry Charles




Confused Betty



Curious Chester



Nightmares

Tossing and turning.

             Tossing and turning.

Tossing and turning.

Tossing and turning.

You suddenly wake up feeling paralyzed with fear, breathing heavily and crying. And then you sigh, realizing that “it was just a dream.” Nightmares are a scary thing that can occur frequently and yes it rather sucks. I’ve had my fair share of nightmares and some of them I hope I will never, ever, have again. So why do we have them? Some may think it is a way for spirits to connect to us while we're sleeping, or that it's some form of karma trying to make our lives a living hell.

But think of this. What is really bothering you? I mean really bothering you? When you have a nightmare, try to retrace the series of events that happened and put it into perspective. You can find clues that may lead you to trapped feelings, forgotten memories, or a dark secret.

Your mind is the gateway to your true self. Maybe your nightmares are trying to tell you something. This is the opportunity to face a possible irrational fear, or a perception on someone that has been hidden by your subconscious. If you cannot face your fears or a problem that occurs in your nightmares, then how are you going to be able to do it out in the real world? Use it as a tool and don't let it take over your life.

So look inside and solve the problem, make a change and listen because if you don’t, it will  only continue to haunt you.

Poetry

Poetry can be seen as a work of art;

a gateway to inspiration or meaning, for a start.

Poetry can be humorous, serious or in between.

It can make you say “what does that that mean?”

The verses can rhyme, sing, or mimic any expression.

It can describe violence and fear, as well as depression.

Poetry shows feelings, to make people deem

that some things in this world are not as they seem.

Poetry is there to laugh at, to giggle, to feel and cry

where the writer’s words of passion will never die.

The words can come alive, or are there to confuse,

but in the end it's something everyone can use

Poetry is poetry, even if you ramble;

just take a look at mine for example.

But no matter what, writing can be useful

just dream and create, use it as a tool

… and if you weren’t a fan of my own poetry describing, well, poetry, maybe you’ll enjoy this one instead…

“A Crime Scene”

By: Albert Van Hoogmoed

There's been a murder, a woman was killed,
found in a bathtub, partially filled.

A pair of policemen went into the house
and questioned the poor woman's spouse.

He’d just come home from working all night
and found her like that, a terrible sight.

The younger policeman looked on with dismay.
He'd never forget that terrible day.

He saw the young woman from behind the door
and empty milk cartons all over the floor,

Scattered strawberries, slices of fruit,
and spoonfuls of sugar and honey to boot.

''Who could have done this terrible thing?''
His voice had a horrified, pitiful ring.

'”Just look at the clues,'' replied Sargeant Miller.
'”It looks like the work of a cereal killer.'

Why are Nursery Rhymes so Scary?

"Making toast by the fireside,
Nurse fell in the grate and died.
What makes the matter ten times worse,
The toast was burnt along with the nurse."

       

By reading some of the old nursery rhymes today, you would think that they were designed to give children nightmares. Why are they so creepy to read? When I was a little girl, there were several nursery rhymes that my parents had told me before I went to sleep at night, but I never found any of them particularly frightening. I guess if you think about it, some of them could end up worrying a child. Little Miss Muffet was scared by a spider, Humpty Dumpty fell off a wall and broke into pieces, and Jill got whipped for laughing at Jack when he hit his head.

Maybe they want to teach children a lesson; to not laugh at others, or to climb on walls. These rhymes however, are subtle compared to some of the other ones I have read myself.

For example, I’m sure glad that I was never told this rhyme as a child…

Mamma had scarcely turn'd her back,
The thumb was in, alack! alack!
The door flew open, in he ran,
The great, long, red-legged scissorman.
Oh! children, see! the tailor's come
And caught our little Suck-a-Thumb.

Snip! Snap! Snip! the scissors go;
And Conrad cries out - Oh! Oh! Oh!
Snip! Snap! Snip! They go so fast;
That both his thumbs are off at last.
Mamma comes home; there Conrad stands,
And looks quite sad, and shows his hands;-
"Ah!" said Mamma "I knew he'd come
To naughty little Suck-a-Thumb."

…and this one…

Father heard his Children scream,
So he threw them in the stream,
Saying, as he drowned the third,

"Children should be seen, not heard!"

Paparazzi

Imagine you are someone like Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber, or even that guy from the Black Eyed Peas whose name you can’t remember (because Fergie and Will.i.am. always seem take the spotlight). You're going out for a jog and you hear something that sounds familiar, but you can’t quite place what it is exactly. You look around and nothing's there. You continue to jog and suddenly you are surrounded by a group, no, mob of people with flashing cameras taking pictures of you in your jogging outfit…

The element of surprise strikes your features; and it also makes a great shot for a tabloid. Yes, it’s paparazzi. Now, some of you may feel that you would do anything to be famous and get your picture taken for the world to see. But even though this fantasy is a little farfetched, would you really want people following you around everywhere? I would say no, but you may say otherwise. Before you try to make your desires come to life, just take a look at these photos…

Justin Bieber

 Russell Brand

Shakira

 Lindsay Lohan

Jennifer Garner

Funny right?

"Like" The Language of Today?

So, like, that one day when my boyfriend, like, told me that I was his, like, soul mate? I like, totally fell in love…

Hmm… I’m going to have to stop you right there. Is the word “like” really a word that enhances the meaning in a sentence? Or is it used to make a person seem more intelligent than they really are? Here’s a thought: why do some people, when they are having a conversation, end their sentences by raising their voice like it’s a question? I have to ask myself this when I do it in some of my conversations.

People could call this the new generation of teen language. It is a whole different type of communication that goes on in schools, work, and among friends. Sure there are those who try to deny that they have ever said the word “like” at least three or four times in one sentence, but let’s be serious. I don’t think I have come across one teenager who has not done exactly this. And I will admit that I tend to do this too. But why? Why do we feel the need to say “like” after every other word?

Many people will wonder this and I can say that over time, this is how our language has evolved among the teenage population. No matter how unintelligent, irritating, or different it has become from the generations of our parents and grandparents, we should not be embarrassed, (well, at least not wholeheartedly; it does come off as annoying). I guess you could say it is a part of who we are as adolescents. Embrace it for the time being because it could be just a phase that we will be able to grow out of sooner or later.

So, like, can we all agree to this, like, teen language?